No matter where you go, there you are.

I just met Stephen Baldwin! I was walking down the street and he was hanging out in an enclave trying on three pairs of shoes, including a nice pair of cowboy boots, and he said, "Hey." as I walked past. So I stopped to talk to him. His brother, who has a different last name, works in radio on the East Coast, and he used to work on and install Caterpillar Magnetohydrodynamic submarine drives. Then he got out of the Navy and became a plumber and installer, and when installing things, he'd sometimes ask guys, "How wide do you want the counter to be? You wanna be able to do your wife on it or something? Cause if you do, you probably gotta measure her ass." It was his ice-breaker. He had just bought a nice pair of shoes and suit and gotten an apartment, although he needed to wait for his social security check to come in next week, and he's getting two of them because they sent last months late. He had a ten dollar bill in his inner coat pocket and liked to watch the leaves change color and listen to the trucks go by. You'd think he would look like this:
But he actually looks more like this:

I was pretty excited to meet a real celebrity.