The World of the Little People

I realized that not a lot is known about the world of the "little people", also known as gnomes, elves, midgets, dwarfs, leprechauns, dweebs, and I'm sure you can think of some others, and so I thought I would enlighten you. For consistency, I will use the term "midget" throughout the rest of this blog entry, because it is the one I hear used most. My references are the popular kid's series "David the Gnome", and the Wikipedia page for David the Gnome. First let me give you a little background about David: David is an animal doctor, and an expert on midgets. Sadly, I'm sure, David has passed on because, being 399 years old in 1985 would make him about 422 years old now, and a fact about midgets is they never live past 400 years old. I don't know what it is, but David says so. Here is a helpful guide to help you identify a midget:

• They are about 15cm tall.
• There are about seven different types of midgets: Forest, Garden, Farm, House, Dune, those of Siberia, and Gypsy (nomadic) midgets. I'm no expert, but if I had to guess, I would say the ones pictured above are of the House variety, as they are in close proximity to a house.
• They live to exactly 400 years, except for two midgets that once lived in the Balkans. They lived to be 550.
  
• They get gray hair at a very early age. The House midgets pictured above are just newly birthed.
• Midgets always have twins, and they only have one pair during their lifetime. As you can see, the two midgets above are probably twins.
• Don't mess with a midget: They are telepathic and have the power of mind control. They also ride vicious animals like foxes that can rip your liver out, and they are friends with crickets and mice and Jack Daniels, who can also damage your liver.
• Midgets themselves are vegetarians.
• Midgets enemies include trolls and humans. I think that thing on the right is a troll, but it may be an Indonesian.

Midget stories tend to be inconsistent trans-culturally (not much is known about them in general); I have heard of midgets living in caves, under rocks and tree stumps, and those tend to be greedy ("Jewish") and hoard gold coins. I have heard of them occasionally hoarding Christmas chocolates wrapped in gold foil. They shoot rainbows out of their hoard-holes. It is said that if you follow one of these rainbows to the hole, you'll be rewarded with some pot. Some midgets wear raccoon pelts and carry pointy sticks.

Some famous little people include Frodo, Willow, David the Gnome, David the Gnome's wife (Lisa the Gnome), and the little guy from Jackass.

Now that you know a little about the world of the little people, go try to find one! I dare you!